Justification

People are jerks. Really, we are. If what I write seems to being a survey of what I see around me, know that I can see it so clearly only because it is also reflected in me.

Architecture: Students have become more arrogant than professors. We search for justification in anything.

Francis Nolan taught me a thing or two about justification.

I think a good deal of our perceived need to justify ourselves comes out of our complete lack of faith in forgiveness, both in it's probability and it's power.

There are three noticeable trends that hint at arrogance and over-justification:

1. Tone of Voice
2. Avoiding the Question(when it comes from someone who deserves an answer)
3. Complete Separation of Self from Work Input (when work is lacking in effort)

Oddly enough, I see that the justification that Christ gives contradicts our justifications on two of these levels and fulfills to the extreme our attempt at justification on the other. The justification that Christ gives renders us speechless and forces us to admit our need, but, it also separates us from what we've done and elevates us to Him by what He's done.

This is really raw because it was a draft I wrote in April. It's my outline actually. But I just reread it cause I was intending on finishing it, and I think its fine as is. It's not polished, but if I tried to say any more I would just muddy the water. In short, Christ's justification is infinitely better than our attempts. It even covers the sin that is inherent in our own efforts to justify ourselves by these methods.

My Baccalaureate Speech

We have made many mistakes. We may even have some regrets. More numerous probably than is healthy though, are our assumptions about life and the best way to live it. We are always striving to live life perfectly, but we can never seem to pull it off. It’s not that we chose to make a certain amount of mistakes, or that we wanted to hurt, judge, or mistreat others, we just lived life and that’s how it goes. Nobody’s perfect. In fact, being perfect is something that is impossible by it’s very definition. Perfection is defined as an instance of excellence, and, seeing as we live in the present, taking life one day at a time, we cannot be excellent at every moment; it would exhaust us completely. Imperfection is something everybody has to deal with, but nobody would choose, sort of like being a freshman. Maturity means dealing with imperfection. It really doesn’t matter how many times you have or will fail, what matters is that you learn from each experience. When you are faced with a crisis or a trial that would seem insurmountable, take some time to ask yourself these important questions: What will I change in myself after going through this? How will I change the way I live? Why will I even change in the first place?

I don’t know the answers to these questions, I don’t know why, or even if, you will change, but I do know this. You won’t change because of me. You won’t change because of this speech. You definitely won’t change when you receive your diploma. You all know John Mayer, right. I think most of us know the lyrics to his song, Waiting on the World to Change. Well, if you’ve been waiting, waiting, waiting on the world to change, you better get up. It won’t change for you anytime soon. Never has, never will. There never will be a fair fighting ground. You all know the way the world works. You try, you work, you sweat, you bleed, you get nothing in return. Loyalty, integrity, honesty; they’re often viewed as weaknesses, characteristics of someone who can be manipulated. We are left, really, with only one option. I think that Gandhi said it well when he said, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” But I like best Eugene Peterson’s paraphrased words of the Apostle Paul in his letter to the Thessalonians, “We simply wanted to provide an example of diligence, hoping it would prove contagious.” Let this be what the historians say about us when they look back on our lives. Indeed, if we are to change this, change our world, we must first change ourselves. Nobody can do this for you, you can’t cheat on this test. In fact, the test we take now is nothing like any we’ve ever taken before. Our success is not measured in correct answers or percentages. We’re not rewarded with A’s or B’s; we can’t earn extra credit. Rather, our goal is to change our campuses, our cities, our world, our environment, and the ways we live in them. In doing this we will set an example of diligence and others around us will be encouraged to take the torch, follow our example, and multiply that change throughout our world.

But even if this is not the case, even if others don’t follow our example quickly or correctly, we still must be the change. The truth is, we have nothing and no one to fear. Our world, when confronted with an unrelenting generation that demands change, will be forced to respond and eventually to get on board. Now we are faced with a daunting task. Just how do we live such changed lives in a manner that will affect our world? How do we first change ourselves? What if we don’t know what to do or even how to turn around and live changed? In order to do these things we must grasp the concept of the Greek word metanoia. Metanoia is a verb that means to make a change in mind, in purpose, and in life. Thus, our objective is three-pronged. We must change the way we think, we must find something worth living for, and then we must change the way we live.

Always know this. You are never too far gone. I Corinthians 13 says that not only will love remain, but also faith and hope. There is always hope for a purposeful, changed life because there are no restrictions on hope. Nothing can stop hope from being had. Yes, hope may be only a feeling. But the behavior which hope produces in us is much greater than a feeling. It is a powerful force. When we have hope, when we believe in a destiny, we become determined individuals, actively trying to affect change wherever we find ourselves. Thank you.

Lucentio and Bianca

I have run out of room in my favorite quotes section to add any more, so i would like to use a series of notes to recycle some of the quotes that are (now probably were) there. Even if i may decide to keep some that are currently there, I would like to take the opportunity to explain myself and maybe even communicate my own ideas on why the quote is important to me, why it voices my opinions well, or why it has inspired me to think, speak, act, or live differently. Anyhow, I'm going to start with some of the most recent, cause I'm inspired.

Here's for number one. Donald Miller. Blue Like Jazz. Chapter 7: Grace. It's a long one. Thanks to some computer genius for copy/paste.

"We dream of Christ's love for His bride reading like Romeo and Juliet; two equals enflamed in liberal love. I think it is more like Lucentio's pursuit of Bianca in The Taming of the Shrew. That is, the groom endearing the belligerent bride with kindness, patience, and love. Our "behavior" will not be changed long with self-discipline, but fall in love and a human will accomplish what he never thought possible. ...by accepting God's love for us, we fall in love with him, and only then do we have the fuel we need to obey. In exchange for our humility and willingness to accept the charity of God, we are given a kingdom. And a beggar's kingdom is better than a proud man's delusion."

I am reading this book for the second time now, because my roommate and I made a loose agreement to do so, and after failing to really make any progress on it myself while in school, I have read it here at home. This chapter has both times been my favorite, though I will say that I have not yet completed the book a second time. I love the way that he illustrates grace throughout the chapter. I am definitely one who "has trouble" accepting the grace of God. In fact, I think it's very difficult for anyone who is successful at something they love to love something they are not successful at. For me, it was baseball and academia (haha, i like to use that word). I worked hard all the time, I did well most of the time. It seemed to me a very fair and very universal system. The thing is, when it comes to life with God (which is something we are called to love), I am not generally successfully. My self-discipline is not enough. But the truth is, even typing that is hard for me to swallow. I have discovered recently that I am a very proud man (or at least boy) and I have built what I try to pass as a kingdom in my own mind, but, when I allow that kingdom to be exposed, I realize it is nothing more than my excuses, my reasoning, even my theology or my philosophy instead of things that are actually important. I have handicapped my heart with the idea that i must understand everything that I do, why I do it, and how to change it. It's not even the imagery of a bride and groom that trips me up, it's the intimacy of the relationship. I understand that God is pursuing his bride all the time, that that bride is the church, and that I am a part of it. What I so often miss is the real life pursuit of me that God is constantly engaged in. It's difficult for me to understand that His love for me is more than I could ever wrap my mind around, even with the help of an analogy. So, all to often I, like the prodigal, settle for the role of servant when my Lord wants to make me His son.

Belief

Since I'm still in the book at this very moment, I'm going with another one from Donald Miller in Blue Like Jazz. This time from chapter 10, which is entitled Belief: The Birth of Cool.

"And that's when I realized that believing in God is as much like falling in love as it is like making a decision. Love is both something that happens to you and something you decide upon."

I will approach this from both fronts. It is a favorite quote because of it's relavance to belief, but I do agree that it is very much applicable to love. For me, this quote, or more importantly, this opinion, is important because it emphasizes some sort of compromise between two extremes. I think it is unreasonable to think of faith as simply a decision that you make because you have gathered enough information and are finally ready to evaluate and conclude the matter. Also, faith is definitely not just something that you come across because you have found a new way to brew your coffee. While I agree that conviction is something that "happens to you" and that conviction is more important than information and education when making this decision, I don't suppose that Miller is intending that someone passes from not believing in God to believing in Him without at all acknowledging or realizing that they have done something. While we will never understand this faith completely, it is possible to know God just as it is possible to know a friend, a lover, a pet, without knowing everything about them and how they operate. In any case, if our believing in God is not at all like falling in love, then I think we have drastically missed the point. Nothing in this life is more important than knowing the love of Christ, and how can you do that but by falling in love with Him. I am glad that my decision to attempt a relationship with Him is not the only reason that He remains in relationship with me.

Contagious

I now want to go back to a couple of quotes that inspired me once to write a speech (see http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1359188209#/note.php?note_id=45266252845&id=1359188209&index=3). These ones I will probably leave up as well, and I'm now getting the idea, that I may just continue to add quotes this way, and maybe put a memo in my quotes section to refer to notes to get the fuller picture. If you haven't read the first two, don't worry about that at all. Anyways, the quotes are from two people who lived in totally different cultures, at different times, and speaking probably about totally different things. In fact, one quote is a paraphrase of an idea that another man had about 1900 years before either of the two men lived. The first is from Ghandi and the other is a paraphrase that is found in Eugene Peterson's The Message paraphrase of the Bible when he interprets the Apostle Paul's letter to the Thessalonians. In any case, I think the two quotes compliment each other well and I will now stop introducing them and I will try to talk about them. Here it goes.

"We must be the change we wish to see in the world."

"We only tried to provide an example of diligence hoping it would prove contagious.

I've already put my two cents in about these words, but still, every time, it seems as if they catch me unaware, or feeling as if I've lived my whole life, trying to sort out good from bad in my head, instead of trying to do things that help others, and I feel clumsy, like I've missed the point. However, I am not long discouraged about this because there is a word in there that I am encouraged greatly by: must. The "must" is almost contractual, as if we are required to be the change, and that's not always a fun thought; but, if it is such a contract, it affects both parties similarly. Not only must we be change, but the world must change when we do. It is impossible for it not to. We, of course, would have to be very large, in order for the literal world to look very different any time soon. However, my world is hardly all 6 billion people and all 7 continents. I am not saying that I am ignorant or inconsiderate of these other people and other places. Rather, I am understanding and accepting my role, realizing that I alone can not affect all of these people at once, and allowing for that role to be expanded as His heart desires. Because, the fact is, if we do not begin by taking small steps, we will never learn to take the big ones. In fact, I believe that this is the only way that we can believe in our ability to have a great impact and see that belief fulfilled. Rather than seeing it as a settling upon lesser goals, I view this as a sort of engaging in a process that leads to great things. By making the little changes in the way we think and act, we initiate a process, that, if followed, can never be stopped by anything outside of the "changee" himself.

Secondly, I think that the second quote says a great deal about how to go about making this change. Instead of attempting to change the whole world, we must set an example for that world. Another quote from a movie close to my heart, Field of Dreams, says, "If you build it, they will come." Manipulated a bit to apply here, we can say, if we do set an example, the world will follow. Just the idea of being contagious is exciting to me as a person of faith. I want to be that person, that tool, that spreads the good news, that shows love that is contagious, and that impacts those around him. Finally, I think that it would always be a great idea to try and do what Paul tried to do. I mean, the guy had a pretty powerful ministry himself, so why wouldn't I try to do something that he tried to do. Just saying.

Merriment

It's been a while and I still don't know if I plan on ever finishing this, but for those of you friends who still check facebook (I do not often), I would like to discuss another one of my quotes. It is one in the morning on the day before the last final of my freshman year and I don't want to find one that I have underlined or written elsewhere so I will again take one from those listed under my favorite quotes section here on facebook. Here it is:

"But our merriment must be of that kind (and it is the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously--no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption. And charity must be a real and costly love, with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinner--no mere tolerance, or indulgence which parodies love as flippancy parodies merriment." -C.S. Lewis

I have a hard time with merriment. It's much easier for me to just be frustrated or angry than it is for me to be happy and to remain in that state. Of course, what Lewis is talking about here is destroying that very concept of happiness, or at least of merriment (if it is any different), as a state of mind. This argument is first supported by the language that is used. If merriment "exists between people", it is not something that one can produce on his own. Enjoyment can come from many sources, and flirting is always a good way to make yourself feel good, but it does not come with an guarantees. Friendships that last begin the same way as those that don't; it is the way that they sustain themselves that differs. It is presumed that those who you meet at a social function of your choosing (i.e. party, sporting event, gym, class, movie, trip, etc.) enjoy the same sorts of things that you do. Many a good friendship has started in these settings. However, many who become friends through events or venues like these never see their relationships get past the superficial "How was it?" stage. Because the pair are so readily able to enjoy one another's love for the activity that they are doing, they are hesitant to venture beyond that at the risk of stepping on each other's toes.

The disability to take things seriously paralyzes a pair's ability to trust one another, and lack of trust means lack of friendship. Someone who is flippant is impossible to engage. It's a similar case with those who are too serious or dedicated to their own image. Superiority has no place in friendship (see James 2) as it creates a divide rather than a bridge between two friends. This is exceedingly important in relationships where superiority is rightfully due one member of the relationship. A good father is one who engages his son on a personal level, not simply as judge and standard bearer, but as rock and foundation. If our friends don't provide this strong footing, we will be disappointed when we expect their help and crushed when we ask for it and don't receive it. Presumption differs from expectation (which can be healthy) in a relationship in that it is naturally pre-discussion. Communication is responsible for most of the problems that we face in our world today. Presumption is a case where one is communicating only with themselves and the depths of their own mind. It is a dangerous form of expectation. In our most important relationships, we can only proceed safely in the midst of communicated expectations. Presumption will get us no where together.

Finally, we must be a genuinely charitable and compassionate people. To do this, we must understand how these things work. Charity and compassion don't utilize words like allow, pardon, and forgive; they use understand, aid, support, and, consider. They are not given, they are shown. In order to be charitable people, we must invest in people no matter the cost. Yes, there are plenty of causes, efforts, and movements we can be a part of. Who wouldn't want to? However, we must also as individuals take up the less attractive cases. Those who we could never help. Those who are getting what they deserve. Those who are ungrateful. Those who we overlook everyday because they aren't homeless, hungry, or deprived. Poverty doesn't only take on one form. There is much we can do and much we must do, but the first step is to know.

"For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then [we will see] face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully, just as I also have been fully known." -I Corinthians 13:12 (NASB)"

Know the need that surrounds you, become familiar with it. Be observant. Then take your heart, which will be broken, and ask Him to do with it what He will. He may not make you soar on wings like eagles, but He will use you. You will experience love like you have never known it before.

Toys

A friend asked me for the Problem of Pain recently because Jamey Pappas used a passage out of it as an illustration at a weekly meeting. Before I lent him the book (which is a collection including six more of C.S. Lewis' most famous works), I flipped through the pages to see what had stuck out to me when I read the book as a 16 or 17 year old boy. This particular one struck me because even as a young man (almost 20), I am impacted by it in exactly the same way as I was a few years ago.

"My own experience is something like this. I am progressing along the path of life in my ordinary contentedly fallen and godless condition, absorbed in a merry meeting with my friends for the morrow or a bit of work that tickles my vanity today, a holiday or a new book, when suddenly a stab of abdominal pain that threatens serious disease, or a headline in the newspapers that threatens us all with destruction, sends this whole pack of cards tumbling down. At first I am overwhelmed, and all my little happinesses look like broken toys. Then, slowly and reluctantly, bit by bit, I try to bring myself into the frame of mind that I should be in at all times. I remind myself that all these toys were never intended to possess my heart, that my true good is in another world and my only real treasure is Christ. And perhaps, by God's grace, I succeed, and for a day or two become a creature consciously dependent on God and drawing its strength from the right sources." -C.S. Lewis

The first way that this affects me is manifested in feeling I don't much enjoy: disgust. I am disgusted with my "fallen and godless condition" almost as much as I am disgusted with my content about it. This is not a matter of self-image. I am confident in who I am. Unfortunately, that confidence is often rooted in my condition. 'I can do well for myself.' 'I am basically a good person.' 'I can do this.' All of these things encourage me to continue in my justifiably OK state. The fact that I can rest on these things in the presence of the living God; that's disgusting. But in fact, this is what I do. I assure myself that as long as I can keep everything in balance and stay in good spirits, everything will work out. Praise God that this is not the case. Praise be to God for not being a god that sounds good. Praise God for my disgust.

Secondly, I am forced to confront my daily routine by this quote. I do my best to fill my days with fun and uplifting activities. I try to schedule in time for fellowship, learning, and relaxing. At best, I go about my days trying to 'integrate' the Holy Spirit into my plans and activities. While these activities may be merry, good, fun, or even altruistic, they are not to be relied upon. My happiness is far too fragile.

Then comes the breakdown. My efforts fall short. My strength is not enough. My will collapses. I fail. I am exposed. I let someone down. Someone lets me down. I can't communicate well. The breakdown takes many forms, but it is always debilitating. Even if I feign strength as I get up from it, I've lost my ability to love or to forgive. It always takes something away from me. Often times it takes my security. I am forced to look somewhere else, somewhere outside of myself, outside of my friends, outside of this world, for my security.

This sucks.

I resist it. I don't want to admit failure or accept help. But in my broken state, what else can I do. Finally I come to terms with my depravity. I rid myself of shame over it because that's what the Bible tells me to do, and I bring it to the altar. I say, 'Abba, this is what I've got for you. Will you take it away from me?' He says yes. He says yes! HE SAYS YES!!! How crazy is that? Not only that, but He takes it from me and then says, 'I've got something else for you.' Then he gives me His strength, his power, and the security and identity of belonging to Him.

Thank you Lord for pain, for suffering, for getting my attention. You are where I always wanted to be, I just didn't know it. Thank you for loving me enough to get my attention. Thank you for pursuing me. Thank you for not stopping when I was satisfied with where my life was at, where I was going. Thank you for accepting me. Thank you for calling me.

You have my attention, do with me what You will.